Wow.  I guess I didn't realize how cathartic this packing business could be.  Not only am I purging alot of the unecessary, material things that have cluttered my life (& my basement!) for so many years, but I have come across so many sweet momentos from friends & family that have triggered memories I thought I'd lost.  You know, the tear-jerker kind of stuff.  I was emptying my desk and found a folder with cards and crayola drawings that had Teagan's name scribbled at the bottom from 2006!  The cards are real treasures though.  I saved many from when I first got the job at QVC, over 11 years ago.  My Mom wrote: "Patti, Dad & I are so proud of you!  We have no idea what this QVC journey has in store for you, but we're excited and anxious to see you on t.v.!!!  You did it! Love, Mom & Dad."  I found pictures from my first house in R.I.  It was an adorable 2 bedroom, butter yellow ranch that sat on just under a half acre, 4 miles from the beach.  Omgosh, I loved that house!!!  My cousin Dyanna and I literally referred to it as my "little stick of butter", lol.  It was only about 900 square feet, if that, but I liked that it was cute & cozy and all mine!  I had actually bought the house at an auction- I was scared to death!!!  Standing outside of the house along with seasoned "house-flippers", clutching three thousand dollars in an envelope and trying to figure out how high I could bid without having to take a fourth job!  At the time I was cleaning houses, working at my grandparent's saw mill and working full-time at Foxwoods Casino.  I remember my Aunt hugging me and saying "Congratulations, Patti.  You're a home owner!!!"  And eventhough I was happy, I was stunned and definitely a little scared.  The house was a mess- it had been neglected for years.  It actually took a 30 yard and a 15 yard dumpster just to clean it out- can you imagine?  My brother and I gutted the bathroom, I tore down paneling and refinished the hardwood floor that was hidden underneath dirty, stained carpet.  (I'll post a picture on facebook so you can see.)  The pictures I came across were from my Dad's 50th birthday party on the fourth of July.  I had a backyard barbeque and we had friends & relatives celebrate with us.  I'm so glad I have those pictures- they rejuvenate the memories and make me smile:)  I also came across a huge plastic bin with my journals in it.  I flipped through a few and saw my flowy, whimsical handwriting with little hearts & smiley faces filling in the columns and I had to laugh.  Such visions of grandeur!!!  I was then, and still am today, very much a believer in the Law of Attraction.  I had jotted down alot of thoughts, affirmations, quotes and hopes for the future like:  "I want to be married with two children, in a beautiful house..." (you know the deal!) and I noticed that I had written similar statements year after year, after year, after year...  And yet here I am.  Because although I had dreams of domestic bliss, I also had a deep desire to be successful and independent.  And like the Law of Attraction says: if you focus on lack, you'll be in a place of lack.  If you focus on abundance, you will draw it to you.  I found it easier to envision success than I did the family/relationship stuff.  Posting affirmations on the mirror or in a notebook to remind myself that life is what I make it just seemed like the best way of thinking.  Even today I have to remind myself to shift my thoughts- especially now when I'm making all of these changes.  Each day I pack another box, or make another list, I have to battle fleeting thoughts of doubt.  But when I come across thoughtful notes and beautiful pictures and remember that this one life is just stretching itself out in front of me, I know that I'm doing the right thing.  There are no smooth mountains.  The transition from this life to my new life waiting for me across the country won't be all rainbows & sunshine, but it will be something that forever changes me.  A friend told me once: "Where we have been is who we are now."  Isn't that the truth!!!  
   
 


Comments

05/18/2011 9:44pm

patti,
its funny i read my journals from time to time and i think we all dream of finding that perfect life and guy.. i am going to be 34 in june i've been engaged for 3years and life is good..but i always saw myself with a baby by now ..but lifes not how you envisioned it.. take it day by day and hope for the best!good luck in your new adventures ! :)

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ellen letson
05/19/2011 12:04am

Patti, I want you to know how much I enjoy reading your Blog and your FB status'. You write very well. I wish you all the best and I envy your courage! Godspeed!

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Peggy
05/19/2011 12:39am

Patti, I'm older than you, married, and a mom. I've found that reality for me, and for most, does not match up to our dreams. I always felt my marriage would be the most wonderful thing in my life, expected that my husband and I would concentrate on each other since our kids are on loan to us from God, but no, not at all. Remember, the grass always seems greener on the other side, but it's not. Be content with what you have. God bless, and best of luck in fabulous L.A.!

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Charisma Ghamo
05/19/2011 2:35am

Patti,
If there were any smooth mountains, how would we conquer them? We NEED all the jagged edges to reach for, grip & pull ourselves up for the reward @ the end of the climb --- to get to the breath-taking view @ the very top!!!! Same as w/life!!! Sometimes the scary, jagged struggles make the conquer that much sweeter!!! I'm in the middle of kicking breast cancer's butt right now and one of the many things this difficult fight has taught me is: ya know what, sometimes its NOT the journey, it's the destination...and I have a feeling that once you reach your destination, the "view" is going to be higher & more breath-taking than you could've ever imagined!!!!
Good luck & enjoy the view...
Charisma

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Dani Anderson
05/19/2011 3:18am

Dear Patti,

I enjoy reading your blogs so much. I miss you on QVC, but though I don't know you, I'm so excited to see where your new journey takes you! I, too, moved to sunny southern california almost 2 years ago to begin a "new life." Though it hasn't gone according to plan, I'm hanging in there, keeping my dreams alive. My dad use to say, "nothing wonderful in this life comes easily." I am also a big believer in the Law of Attraction, so I take these words from my dad and wrap my own spin around them. According to the Law of Attraction, if you focus on love, happiness--whatever you're looking for--it will come to you. But you just can't focus on it for a few moments. Your dreams have to be in the forefront of your mind 24/7. For many people, it's difficult to keep the dream alive when road blocks pop up out of nowhere. I believe that's what my dad meant. NEVER give up, never stop longing for what it is you truly desire. I know you will find the life and love you seek, and I know you do too--just hang in there! I wish you all the best!

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Karen
05/19/2011 3:00pm

Another wonderful blog and the "Sunshine House" story.. I just love it. When I am having a down day I just come to your blog and read it.. Inspiration galore!!! Hugs and Best Wishes... Safe travels!!

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Daria
05/19/2011 7:27pm

Hi Patti!

Sending you hugs for all of your wishes and heart's desires to come true. It feels so good to clear out stuff that is no longer needed, doesn't it! I have my things pretty organized and sorted through and I love it that way. I like to do affirmations each day to help me with what I want for myself. I still work on my wandering thoughts during it though! What an exciting time, for you to be looking forward to your new adventure. I seem to like both new things, as well as the comfort of the same. Go figure! God bless and happy packing!

Hugs,
Daria

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Tammy
05/20/2011 9:04am

Patti,
I will miss you on the "Q." I have made major career changes in my life and, yes, I was always scared. I have never regretted my decisions. I am enjoying your blog and I hope to continue to follow you.You remind me of myself. We only have one life to live and if we desire true happiness, we must ensure that we believe in ourself, have the confidence to go after our dreams, and wake up each day feeling energized and encouraged that another day has been given to us.

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05/22/2011 10:05am

Patti, even though I admire your courage to start a new life and move clear across the country, I cant help but wonder why. It seems that you had a great job, a beautiful home, and you liked the area that you lived in.

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nan, temecula, ca
05/22/2011 11:26am

hi patty,

looks like you'll be on your way out here to california soon. wanted to say, again, what a good writer you are. i just get started reading your blog, and am sorry when it ends. i think you should consider writing a book. wishing you nothing but the best.

lots of hugs, nan

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Donna Zimmerman
05/23/2011 10:28pm

Patti,
We met at Lisa's book signing in Exton a few weeks ago. I was the one always sitting. I just read your most recent blog about your house in Rhode Island. I bought my first house at 57 years old, with a 30 yr mortgage. Talk of dreams of grandeur! I hope to live to see it paid off. I am so happy to have it tho, because even tho I bought it before I was in a wheelchair, I knew I wanted a house with no steps and I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have it now. I know that you have wonderful things in store for you in CA, and that you will find peace and happiness there. The time is coming fast, hope you are almost ready!!

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05/29/2011 4:08am

True, there are no smooth mountains. You are very strong and courageous to make this change in your life. All of the best and much happiness, health, success and love in your life now and to come.

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anne
05/30/2011 10:10pm

as do others i enjoy your blog. I also wonder why you left the Q with all it offered in travel, financial and opportunities...loving your home and puppies. Perhaps you will share sometime other than it wasn't enough.... i trust that you have some support in LA for your new life and i look forward to more of your writing.. thank you for taking the time to share, i do miss you on the Q

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Billie
07/24/2011 7:28pm

Dear Patti,
I've always thought that life is like a roller coaster. Ups & downs, unexpected turns, some scary times & excitement. Nothing worth having is easy. I'm really proud of you for venturing out to the unknown and taking the risk. While I miss seeing you on QVC, I know without a doubt that you will be successfull in what ever you choose to do. I just now found your blog & have been enjoying reading it for the better part of an hour. As others have previously stated, you are a wonderful writer. Not many have that gift & I truly hope that you will consider writing a book. I know I will be first in line to purchase it! I too have had a lot of self doubt in my life. It is not easy to overcome, but I keep trying. I wish all the best that the world has to offer ~ you deserve it!
Much love~

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